sábado, 5 de octubre de 2013

Silence will show me the way

Words that I wrote almost a year ago...
"It feels so good when the idea that I had on my mind gets done in a real photo. I've been taking more and more photos, and every day I fell more and more in love with it. I've been having lots of ideas for photoshoots, even in random moments like when I'm in the shower or in a rush when I'm late for school, then I take a quick moment and write it all in a peace of paper or in my "ideas notebook". But, when I'm wondering in the silence of the night, submerged in my warm bed, and swimming in my ocean of ideas and thoughts, there is the moment where I get the most creativity out of me. That is the moment when I feel that the world is mine. I feel relaxed, happy, having a moment for myself to think and meditate. It is the deep silence that shows me the truth,it is the place  where I can find serenity. I remember that I use to have lots of special places like these when I was in Brazil, when I was at home. Now I'm happy that I can still find this moments, I guess that maybe could be inside my heart, or at least I hope, so I can take it everywhere with me, so I can balance my soul in the bad moments."

"I had a lovely day taking photos of a talented dancer. I love to watch passionate people, that has fall in love of something and want to dedicate their entire life to it. The ones that are brave enough to do it are the one that I'm more fascinated about. They are an example to follow for me, even more now that I'm in the moment where I have to believe in myself and my decisions. 
I have tried to take photos every day, think about photography every moment, and the thing that I love the most about is that it comes to my mind without even plan it, it comes naturally deep from my heart. This is what I was meant to do, I know it. I have to believe in my passion, I have to believe in myself."

"The silence will show me the truth."

Now, almost an entire year has past, and I found myself confused and trapped in my own insecurities. I am still sure that I made the right decision to not go to university and follow my own path. But this past days I have been compering myself to other people, like my friends who are going to university, who are meeting new people, who have things to do and places to go. I have a huge feeling to go out and meet the world, meet new people and stories. To make my own great story.

 There where some moments where I was thinking if I did the right decision. 
Talking to my wise mom, I discovered that I was starting to not be so proud but rather insecure about my ideals, something that has never happened to me before. I discovered that the root of my insecurities and problems where me and only me. I felt judged by people around me, when must of them where supporting me. I started to feel that my photos stopped being personal and tried to please the idea, of how they should be, in order for people to like me and my work. I was reproducing an idea, not creating one. I was becoming my worst enemy, putting myself down. 

A lot of times I feel like I don't do enough, i don't work enough for what I want, and that makes me feel worst and actually not doing what I want to to, taking photographs. I started to fill my mind with bad words, and it doesn't make me think clear. I cut my source of creativity. 

I founded today what I wrote on my flickr page almost a year ago, and asked myself where that Clara went? Full of ambition and creativity. Full energy and loyal to her ideals. I know I'm still that person. Sometimes, time overwhelms me and I forget that I'm just 20 years old and I have a long life ahead. 

I've decided to silence my mind of all those cloudy thoughts, and creativity will come back to me. I will find my center again, and make it even stronger. 
I want to start to replace that sentence on my every day words of "I have to" to "I want to". It makes a huge difference. I will take those words that I wrote a while ago and will become my mantra, my exercise, my homework. Like a fish under the silent water. I will let the silence of my mind show me the way to creativity and concentration. 

I've just ended reading "Eat, Pray, Love" which I think its a fantastic book and everyone should read it... or at least the adventurous, love seek and soul balance seekers. There is one part where Elizabeth finds that there is one word for each city, that will describe perfectly the city personality  and will become that place word. As well for the people, there is one word which can change depending on what you are living at the moment. It will describe you and your life. For now, I've discovered that my word its Serenity, and now I feel so in love of that special word, I've adopted it as mine. And i think that word has belong to me for a long time.

1 comentario:

  1. Siempre me identifico tanto con lo que dices. Eres mágica, no lo olvides. Te quiero.